The Refraction of Upbringing and Cultural Habit

“…A person with a clean soul must have a warm and kind heart...Civilization should start from family education.” Pearl Moon

Chapter 1

A newborn is a clean sheet of white paper, and parents are the first people to write on it!

The world today has at its disposal the e-Birth of every baby as a special gift for his/her parents and family.  After joy and excitement, parents need time and patience to nurture their babies. Parents’ words, deeds, accomplishments and qualities have a direct impact on a child’s healthy growth. Parental education and guidance can even bring out the child’s personal behavior and treatment to others throughout the life of the child. 

The ‘pearly moon’ is one of the words my father gave me. The name has a deep and beautiful meaning of conscious reflection in the light of the moon. 

When I was a young girl, my mother took me to see a doctor. Every conversation started with my name. I listened to my mother’s explanation: “Parents expect life to be pure and clean”. Of course, this cleanliness refers to the quality of people---the name seems to confirm the meaning of my life. 

But I was born into an ordinary family. Fortunately, my parents were more open-minded, giving us a good and rigorous education inside a relatively relaxed growth environment. I was naturally shy, timid, and didn't like to talk, especially with people I didn’t know well. This characteristic continues to this day. 

When my mother found that I was different from my elder brothers and sisters and couldn't adapt to the kindergarten environment, she quit her job and took care of me at home. Therefore, I spent most of the time with my parents in my daily life, and understood my mother most comprehensively and profoundly until she passed away at the age of ninety. My mother was an enlightened, wise person who liked new knowledge and was willing to try new things. My mother maintained a very clean appearance-- loving beauty, and knowing how to live. All of this left a deep impression on me. A subtle means to learn a lot about life. In life, parents always correct us and remind us about our words and deeds, whether we use words accurately, and whether we behave appropriately. 

The requirements for our own character were very strict. Especially for mothers who show their care and love, the education for their children has to be continuous and meticulous. My mother always maintained good environmental hygiene and healthy eating habits throughout her life. Following her provision we could lead a clean and comfortable life, choose a living environment and at the same time acquire good personal living habits. From very early on, mothers should allow their child to participate in a clean life-style within their ability. While maintaining these good habits, mothers also should learn the tacit understanding between brothers and sisters and their sense of responsibility to the family.

My father was always gentle and humble. Because I read a lot of books, I was relatively particular about the use of words. In my life, if he noticed a problem, he would correct it at any time in the dialogue with his children. 

Up until now I have only used improper words three times, and all of them have happened with my father. And these wrong words I heard the neighbor children say that I used them in the conversation with my father. The first time it happened when I was more than five years old. My mother was sick and hospitalized for two days. My elder brothers and sisters went to school. Only my father and I were in the house. 

I had very long hair at that time, and my father struggled to make it into a pigtail (he had never done this before). Father did not want to tie the tail of the pigtail with a long, thin rope called "glass filament". 

I heard my father muttering to himself: "How can I pin this? I haven't pinned it for a long time.” 

I immediately turned my head, took the glass wool in my father's hand and said: 

"Let me do this. It will not be possible for a stupid chicken to play the Huqin"

(Note: Huqin is a musical instrument). Right away, I heard my father’s gentle but serious voice. 

How can I talk to my father like this? Remember, in the future, you can't use words like this. I knew it was wrong. And didn't dare to look up at my father, I only heard my father say: “Go play with toys!”.

The second time I was about seven years old, one evening, I was jumping on the bed, and suddenly the door opened, I saw my father come in, and I called "Dad!". When my father took off his hat, I found a bandage on his head. I was surprised and said: Ah, why did you take it off, Dad? Our eyes met, and my father corrected my words again. My father asked me: Do you know what is? I replied: I don't know. The father explained: People saw the gourd in half from the middle, called Nie, and used it to fetch water. I nodded nervously to show that I understood.

The third time, I was nine years old. I used again a wrong word. It was a sultry night. At ten o'clock, the radio broadcasted a weather forecast. Because the window was open, my father hoped that it would not affect the neighbors, so he turned the volume down. My father was worried that he may not hear it well, so he waved to me asking I approach the radio to help listen. Because I saw my father approaching the radio very seriously, I said without thinking: 

“Dad, you can't hear clearly with your ears upright?” 

Seeing my father's face suddenly become serious, I knew I had used the wrong word again, but I didn't know what was wrong. My father then asked me: 

“Do you know anyone listening with ears upright?” I didn't know the answer, and I just looked forward to my father's answer. My father said, 

"Donkey!?” with a little unpleasantness, short and powerful! Then told me to be careful not to use ears to describe people in the future.

As I grew up, I continued to learn, and have a clear definition of the words. I understood how these three wrong words used in the past are extremely disrespectful to anyone. However, how many children's fathers in life can correct and teach at any time like my father? Thanks to my father for his strict and timely teaching manner, it gave me a very rigorous discipline in my study habits and in life. Through the interactions between people in life, we can understand that politeness is passed on to others through language, words, conversation, and behavior. Politeness is the sincerity and warmth from the heart, not just simple words.

Chapter 2

The formation of a person's self-awareness, understanding and thinking has an important relationship with the literacy and quality of the parents. 

Later, the school's education and social orientation would become more complex and diverse, thus showing and assessing the "success or failure" of the parent's family education in the child's growth and development.

Accompanying a person’s growth process, understanding/respect, sincerity/self-discipline, kindness/giving, tolerance/loving...all of these will be passed on to others through our sincere, gentle and humble speech and actions. 

It can be seen that a person's education, quality, and connotation are the embodiment of a person's quality and values!

Under the education and guidance of parents, children have a foundation in language and writing, a process of learning about personal growth. It is a slow process to learn to understand accurately, and then learn to use words and actions properly to express themselves and share good wishes. In fact, babies grow through their parents. Family members continue to use the correct way to repeat, teach and grow every day, the very the beginning of education. This is vital to the future and even the life of the child!

Understanding and respect are like twins, which accompany our growth and life, especially the relationship between people. It can even affect a person's health, happiness, or successful career! When we learn and have a basic understanding in childhood, what follows is learning how to respect others. The learning comes from an understanding from the bits of life of what is right, what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. Slowly we can recognize our judgments. The accuracy of judgment and identification has an important and direct relationship with parents’ education and family atmosphere.

What is dignity, self-esteem, and respect for others are the parts that parents require and teach a lot in our growth and life. As far as I can remember, I know that mothers never allow children to argue about anything. Nor would mom and her dad quarrel about life matters. Parents always believe that the older brothers and sisters should give to their younger siblings, and younger siblings should respect elder brothers and sisters. In life, my family always gave mutual respect, closeness and warmth. Even if everyone were in their own marriage and family, our family and the next generation, including cousins would still maintain these beautiful ideals amongst each other to this very day!

We also learn from the education of our parents for respect for people and private space. My mother never went to the neighbor's house to sit and talk about other people's various things, and she didn't want us to develop such a habit. Usually, the mother only allows us to play with the children in the yard and limits the length of time. When you meet your neighbors' uncles, aunts, and grandparents, you should address you politely. Sometimes when my mother meets people she knows, she talks a few words, which always makes me avoid it. My mother is probably worried that I am too young to understand the conversation between adults and affect the thinking and judgment of children. The mother will never allow children to intervene in the conversation when others are talking.

From a very young age, my mother emphasized "respect the trust of others in you and be sure not to share anything other people say to you about others. Don't talk privately about how other people and their ways..". 

Of course, this does not include when a person grows up, talking about self-view on serious issues. She taught me to avoid gossip.

“..Kindness makes people more warm, more nice and more understanding”.

Selfishness makes more cold, makes people lose this kindness and erodes honesty. It is too bad then between people to people, it makes problems to our society and in the end our very own life..”